Review: Eurobeat - Almost Eurovision

May 2 2008 by Alison Stokes, Western Mail

Wales Millennium Centre, Cardiff

WALKING into the Donald Gordon Theatre at the Wales Millennium Centre, it seemed like Eurovision really had come to Cardiff.

Air horns hooting, hands clapping and a sea of European flags waving. Welsh National Opera was never this raucous.

The opening night of Eurobeat was a riot of glittering, camp tackiness – just what you’d expect from a pastiche of Europe’s most tasteless music contest.

Aussies Craig Christie and Andrew Patterson’s idea to send up Eurovision, with its stereotypical acts, is so inspired, you wonder why no-one has ever thought of it before. I guess it’s because the real thing has cornered the market in kitsch.

Being the world’s first interactive musical, every member of the audience is handed a badge and a flag of the country they’re supporting. Tonight we’re flying the flag for Estonia. We’re also asked to switch our mobile phones on, ready to vote for our favourite acts.

Welcome to Sarajevo, the host city for tonight’s riotous ceremony. And it wouldn’t be Eurovision without an appearance by the king of kitsch commentary Sir Terry Wogan, who appears, albeit on screen, to introduce the “glorious homage”.

Hosts for the night are the portly Sergei (Gareth Hale), a recently-discovered children’s television star with an excruciatingly embarrassing line in bad puns, and Boyka “the face of modern Bosnia Herzegovina”.

In her voluminous gold dress, former Coronation Street star Sally Lindsay was suitably-stilted as the former Olympic pole vaulter turned lifestyle TV presenter.

Then it’s onto the contest. The 10 countries competing are all so predictable they should be real. An Italian disco diva Vesuvius Versace and her rappers; an Estonian former political activist and his muscle Mary dancers; a Bjork-alike for Iceland; for Russia a boy band in skin-tight jumpsuits, The KGBoyz; for Hungary a group of traditional sisters singing about gutting chickens; for Ireland Ronan Carr sings la, la la; for Greece a Nana Mouskouri look-alike who rips off her long dress to reveal a skimpy outfit in typical Eurovision style; a foursome of Swedish swingers called Avla; a German techno trio called Nepotism and, representing the UK, an out of sync, out of tune boy/girl duo called Rayne and Sheiner.

When it came to the voting, thankfully it wasn’t nearly as drawn out as the real thing, with Estonia clinching the Welsh vote. Eurobeat is one of those shows that has the potential to be a cult classic. If only the real Eurovision was as much fun.

The show runs until tomorrow. The box office number is 0870 040 2000