Ghosts of Xmas past

Dec 30 2007 by Nathan Bevan, Wales On Sunday

DO you know why eating lots of turkey makes you sleepy?

It’s because it’s chock full of tryptophan, an essential amino acid which, to cut the science lesson short, helps release calming agents in the body and makes you want to kip.

Why am I telling you this?

In case you woke up in a panic like I did, bloated and confused, on the sofa on Christmas Day evening in the middle of the To The Manor Born seasonal special and thought you’d gone to Hell.

Confused at the long-forgotten spectre of the fourth most popular programme of 1978 appearing back on my screen, I frantically rubbed my eyes in a panic.

But when I opened them again, the glowering ghostly faces of Penelope Keith in her twin set and pearls and a dapper old Peter Bowles were still there.

Was I still asleep and merely dreaming I was back in the ’70s?

Or maybe this actually was the ’70s and I, six-years-old in my Spiderman jimjams, had conjured up the entire last 30 years as part of one long, elaborate fever dream brought on by gobbling too many slices of festive bird. I must admit, though, I perked up at the thought the latter might be the case.

If all this really had been just a dream, then that awful Billy Ray Cyrus mullet I wore for much of the 1980s simply never happened.

A nice notion but, all the same, I flicked through the TV pages for some reassurance.

Some Mother’s Do ’Ave ’Em, the Dad’s Army Christmas Special, Morecombe And Wise, The Two Ronnies, Porridge, The Good Life and – what fresh hell is this? – Ken bloody Dodd.

I kept flicking.

St Trinian’s was showing at the cinema, Led Zeppelin were in all the music papers... Oh dear God, what was going on?

Still, I ended up learning two very valuable lessons this year.

Too much turkey can be very bad for you and nostalgia, well, it’s just not what it used to be.