Schools teach social skills as family dining disappears

Mar 10 2008 Western Mail

THE demise of the family meal has produced a generation with bad manners, head teachers have warned.

Growing numbers of parents struggle to teach children basic social skills and need help to “rediscover what being a parent means”, the Association of School and College Leaders said.

The union’s general secretary, John Dunford, said that for too many children, school was the only part of their lives where they experienced clear moral boundaries.

At the union’s annual conference in Brighton yesterday, Dr Dunford said the demise of the family meal had severe knock-on effects for children’s social skills.

“For some children schools have had to take the place of the institutions that used to set the boundaries of acceptable behaviour – fundamentally the family and the church,” he said.

“In relation to the family, one of the most important factors has been the loss of the family meal, which has reduced family conversation so that schools have more to do in teaching children to communicate.

“In terms of good manners and appropriate behaviour, primary schools have to teach children how to use a knife and fork and sit at a table.”

He said schools “can’t and shouldn’t replace the role of parents”.

“It’s perhaps a sad indictment on the present age that we accept the need to help parents to play their part – to rediscover what being a parent means.”

But the Family and Parenting Institute said that while family meal times were a good chance for spending time together, it can be difficult for many families to find the time to sit down together.

Sally Gimson, the institute’s spokeswoman, said, “It can be difficult if families live in a place which is not big enough to have a communal table to sit around.

“Parents often feel blamed for a lot of things, blamed for not working or blamed for taking a job which means they don’t finish work until 6pm or 7pm.

“It can be practically difficult to eat together.

“Having a meal together is important but to tell families that this is what they should be doing and making them feel guilty if they can’t is terrible.

“By the same token schools often feel that everything is pushed on to them.

“If we thought more about having a family friendly society then it may be easier.”

Dr Dunford also warned that the erosion of family life combined with the media cult of celebrity to make the job of schools “more difficult than it has ever been”.

“The cult of celebrity is promoted in a base and distasteful way, and social advancement is presented as something best gained through the purchase of a lottery ticket rather than hard work.

“The way in which the cult of celebrity is presented in the media makes it appear to young people that success can come easily,” he said.

“Schools are based on the connection between hard work, passing your exams and getting a good job.

“People forget that high earning footballers have to train incredibly hard, that successful pop singers have to practise for hours and I think it makes the job of the school more difficult.

“For many children, school and its values, its clear boundaries and moral framework are the only solid bedrock in their lives.”

In his speech he also said there was an “irresistible” case for abolishing the current regime of national testing.

And he called for a “fundamental shift” in the relationship between the Government and schools, with fewer central targets from ministers and a more collaboration between teachers, parents and pupils.