Now I can blow people’s houses down with pictures of my four little pigs

Nov 27 2007 by Liz Shankland, Western Mail

When it comes to having the ‘Aahh!’ factor, baby animals win every time with our smallholder columnist

I’VE got a disappointingly short attention span when it comes to billing and cooing over photographs of other people’s children and grandchildren. I always dread it when I see the hand reaching for the wallet which I just know is going to hold a handful of fuzzy snaps of small pink things wrapped up in frothy white lace.

I know I should have more patience. I wish I could understand why everybody else thinks that tiny humans are so appealing. I’ve never really got the baby thing. Even when my own son, Josh, was small, I didn’t think he was particularly attractive (sorry, Josh).

It wasn’t until he reached about a year old and had a full head of hair that I started to think he was okay looking. Today, of course, he’s a devilishly handsome 17-year-old and I can see my genes have been put to good use.

But back to baby pictures. I’ve found the perfect counter-attack when faced with a boringly-proud parent or grandparent brandishing pictures: I show them pictures of my animals.

Camera phones are a wonderful invention, and my new mobile has an excellent-quality camera and a big screen – just as well now I’ve resigned myself to wearing specs for reading.

So, as soon as I see someone fumbling for their photos, I whip out my phone and start showing off some much more interesting and better quality images of my pigs, dogs, and what- ever else I happen to be rearing.

At the moment, my wallpaper picture is of the three dogs, with Gordon looking rather gorgeous in the foreground, and my screensaver is Spotty, one of my very cute wild boar-cross weaners. There are many more pictures stored on the phone, so I can bore for Wales with the best of them.

I admit I am a bit obsessive about my piglets at the moment. But just look at their little faces: how could anyone not find them appealing? I’m spending far too much time with them, I know, but I can’t help it.

We’re at the bonding stage right now; they’ve been here two weeks and they’re still building up their confidence, and I’m trying to win their trust, so I feel I’ve got a good excuse to indulge myself. So far we’ve got to the stage where they’ll approach me and sniff at my fingers, and they’ll let me stroke them when they’re eating, so we are making progress.

The trouble is they’ll be sniffing around my hands quite contentedly, and then one decides to try a nibble with their surprisingly sharp little teeth – which makes me yelp and jump back, and sends the frightened little creatures scuttling off in the opposite direction.

We haven’t let them out into the big field yet; right now they’re in a temporary pen of cable-tied hurdles. We normally do this with new arrivals, so that they can get used to us and so that we can keep an eye on them. Although they’ve only been here a fortnight, they’ve already turned over every bit of grass in the enclosure and pretty soon they’re going to need to move to new ground.

Hopefully, when the time comes, I’ll be able to move them myself – because by then I should have had some expert tuition in trailer driving.

Gerry’s brother Brian is an ex-police driving instructor and now has his own business in Llantwit Major teaching people of all ages – from born-again bikers to absolute beginners – to drive everything from fast motorcycles to huge HGVs. And he reckons he can teach me to reverse a trailer without breaking it, too.

At this time of year, Brian will be starting to get lots of requests from people wanting to buy their partners lessons as Christmas presents. Getting myself proficient in trailer reversing will be a kind of present for Gerry.

At least when I can handle a trailer with confidence, he won’t have to take time off work to transport animals to the abattoir or bring awkward eBay bargains from far-flung locations. Happy Christmas, Gerry!

* Write to Liz Shankland c/o Western Mail, Blue Street, Carmarthen SA31 3LQ. Please enclose an SAE for a reply. Or email downtoearthliz@hotmail.co.uk